Feeling empty

Our angel baby was removed at 8pm on Thursday 4 September 2014 by Dr Pang at her clinic. When it was finally done the Dr did ask if I would like to keep the remains. I firmly said no but I braved myself to take a look at our angel. Fetus covered with blood & lots of clots...that was all that I could see. When I was wheeled back to the room, I felt the emptiness in me. Our baby is no longer in me...the feeling wasn't as bad before I had our baby removed. With the removal I am officially no longer pregnant.

Throughout my short pregnancy Charlene loves saying that her tummy stores food while mummy's stores food and baby. When I had very bad nausea and wanted to throw up, she would stop me from throwing up for fear of me throwing up the baby along. Her love for our baby was so strong that she immediately bonded with the baby...kissing my belly each night when I come home from work. 

Just a few days ago I overheard her asking if baby is thirsty and she forced me to drink for her baby. I felt so sad and at fault that I couldn't deliver the baby safely...I felt I have shortchanged & disappointed Charlene...she badly wanted to have a 'sister' to play with.

She's going to grow up missing Charmaine & having thoughts that she probably should have another sibling. I hope to give Charlene the best attention that I could give to her to fill the void in her being a 'single' child.