Mummy miss you dearly

Jie,
For the past months after you left us, visiting you at the Fairy Park became part of our weekend activity. I feel uneasy today not visiting you. I miss making your favourite nen nen, I miss you so dearly. Please be assured that Mummy is not forgetting you...you will always be in Mummy's heart.

  

Your 1st Photobook has arrived!

Jie,
Mummy started with your photobook back in August last year. I could still remember how I would place you near me to watch me do your photobook. I remember telling you, Mummy's going to finish it soon, you are going to see your lovely book. But, you never had the chance to do so....

I am sorry, I procrastinated..

It took me 7 months to complete it. When you were around, I took my own sweet time to do. When you left, it was hard for me to continue doing. I cry each time I see your picture, tougher when I had to change all the description in the book into 'past tense' and made the title 'In Loving Memory Of Our Eldest Daughter Charmaine Lim Li En'.

Jie, the book has arrived and it is very nicely done up. Mummy's going to treasure this book forever. I miss you my darling girl....

Mummy miss you

Jie,
Mummy stumbled upon your pictures in an old memory card. I can't hold my tears when I saw you. You looked so lovely with your smile. I miss you so much...why do you have to go? I accept the fact that you are no longer with us, but it is really tough for me to let go...

Jie, Mummy miss you so much...

Genting then and now

12.12.2009 with Charmaine

6.2.2012 with Charlene

I love arranging short trips for Charmaine and I took her to Genting Highlands during Christmas 2009. It was my shortest ever trip in Genting. Checked in around 4pm and checked out the next day at 7am. This poor girl couldn't sleep well the whole night and we decided to check out as early as we could. I took lots of pictures with Charmaine and loved this one especially. She was dressed in this pink scarf which I knitted specially for her to wear for the trip. 

I planned for another trip on 17.12.2011 but Charmaine never made it. 

Jie, it was tough for mummy to go without you. The scarf that Charlene wore reminded mummy of our good times in Genting. I miss you a lot.   

Missing you

Jie,
Mummy was in Bali last week. Despite being in such a beautiful island, I holidayed with a heavy heart. I envied parents who brought along their girls in the plane, I can't stop thinking how would it be if you were born without Trisomy 18. You would be full of laughter, running along the beaches enjoying every bit of the holiday.

I wish I had a chance to see you walk and run, I wish to see you chatting bubbly asking me lots of questions, I wish to see you all well.....but I saw you suffered with Trisomy 18, I saw you cried each time you constipated, I saw you getting more and more frail and I saw the very last bit of you after the cremation..

I now wish for you to be a happy angel, guarding us from above. I love you jie..

1st Day of Chinese New Year

This is our first Chinese New Year without Charmaine. Despite our loss, we agreed that the celebration should go on for Charlene. She should not be deprived of the celebration. We went on with our customary 'Pai Nian'. I call this our family tradition. I can't recall how long we've had this very formal 'Pai Nian' thingy, but it's the time of the year where my parents will give us each a red packet and wish us all well in our health, career and relationship.

This year, we've added a new tradition to the family. We visited Charmaine at the Fairy Park first thing in the morning before going to Kong Kong's house. My husband and I have both agreed that apart from our regular visits, we should visit Charmaine on the 1st Day of Chinese New Year before going for our rounds of visiting. We wanted Charlene to be excited over visiting her sister and we wanted to educate her that visiting the park during the Chinese New Year is not a taboo. It's going to be the Lim family's tradition!

Chinese New Year Eve

I used to get very excited for the yearly reunion dinner on Chinese New Year eve. A lot more after I had Charmaine. There were lots of preparation for the dinner; how to dress Charmaine, what to bring for the dinner, her milk....and the list goes on.

We had our 1st reunion dinner together at Lucky Palace Restaurant, our 2nd at Min Kok Restaurant and our last at home. Three very precious years.

Charmaine's 1st Reunion Dinner

Charmaine's 2nd Reunion Dinner

Charmaine's 1st and last reunion with Charlene. Both were dressed up in the same pyjamas

This year, I prepared for the reunion dinner the same way minus Charmaine. The word 'reunion' no longer exist. Charmaine is far far away and I will only be reunited with her some day later.

Jie,
Happy Chinese New Year. This year would have been your 4th year if you were still around. For now, it's only Mummy, Papa & Charlene...