I love you

Jie,
When Mummy was getting Charlene to sleep just now, memories of you came back to me. I recalled stroking your hair each night before you sleep and recalled telling you 'Mummy love you' each night.

For the past 3 years that you lived, Mummy lived each day as though it was your last. I knew the day would come but I prayed and longed for you to live longer....at least until I am prepared to let you go.

I recalled how we celebrated each monthly birthday, thanking God for the miracle He brought to us. You are not just a miracle. Your courage and determination changed my life forever. I frequently remind myself every now and then that if Charmaine can defy the odds against her and lived 3 wonderful years, I should live my life positively too.

Thank you for making me a better Mom. I love you...  

Mummy miss you a lot

Time flies. It's been more than 5 months since you left us. Mummy & Papa have been very busy lately with the renovation of our new home. We've promised to move in to our new home with you but you left us just before we got our keys. Though you are not physically moving in with us, we have created some space to keep your belongings.

Some updates on your sis Charlene. She's going great, learning to speak and is calling every girl she sees as Jie Jie. Mummy can't bear to hear her call others Jie Jie. She's supposed to have her own Jie Jie.......Mummy promise you, I will be telling her stories of you. Some day, she's going to know she has a Jie Jie.

Jie....Mummy miss you a lot....

Mummy miss you dearly

Jie,
For the past months after you left us, visiting you at the Fairy Park became part of our weekend activity. I feel uneasy today not visiting you. I miss making your favourite nen nen, I miss you so dearly. Please be assured that Mummy is not forgetting you...you will always be in Mummy's heart.

  

Your 1st Photobook has arrived!

Jie,
Mummy started with your photobook back in August last year. I could still remember how I would place you near me to watch me do your photobook. I remember telling you, Mummy's going to finish it soon, you are going to see your lovely book. But, you never had the chance to do so....

I am sorry, I procrastinated..

It took me 7 months to complete it. When you were around, I took my own sweet time to do. When you left, it was hard for me to continue doing. I cry each time I see your picture, tougher when I had to change all the description in the book into 'past tense' and made the title 'In Loving Memory Of Our Eldest Daughter Charmaine Lim Li En'.

Jie, the book has arrived and it is very nicely done up. Mummy's going to treasure this book forever. I miss you my darling girl....

Mummy miss you

Jie,
Mummy stumbled upon your pictures in an old memory card. I can't hold my tears when I saw you. You looked so lovely with your smile. I miss you so much...why do you have to go? I accept the fact that you are no longer with us, but it is really tough for me to let go...

Jie, Mummy miss you so much...

Genting then and now

12.12.2009 with Charmaine

6.2.2012 with Charlene

I love arranging short trips for Charmaine and I took her to Genting Highlands during Christmas 2009. It was my shortest ever trip in Genting. Checked in around 4pm and checked out the next day at 7am. This poor girl couldn't sleep well the whole night and we decided to check out as early as we could. I took lots of pictures with Charmaine and loved this one especially. She was dressed in this pink scarf which I knitted specially for her to wear for the trip. 

I planned for another trip on 17.12.2011 but Charmaine never made it. 

Jie, it was tough for mummy to go without you. The scarf that Charlene wore reminded mummy of our good times in Genting. I miss you a lot.   

Missing you

Jie,
Mummy was in Bali last week. Despite being in such a beautiful island, I holidayed with a heavy heart. I envied parents who brought along their girls in the plane, I can't stop thinking how would it be if you were born without Trisomy 18. You would be full of laughter, running along the beaches enjoying every bit of the holiday.

I wish I had a chance to see you walk and run, I wish to see you chatting bubbly asking me lots of questions, I wish to see you all well.....but I saw you suffered with Trisomy 18, I saw you cried each time you constipated, I saw you getting more and more frail and I saw the very last bit of you after the cremation..

I now wish for you to be a happy angel, guarding us from above. I love you jie..